Joelle Ryan's blog, Transmeditations, features a post responding to Dan Savage's project called "It Gets Better." The basis of the project is to make short videos targeting LGBT teens who are considering suicide, essentially telling them to tough out high school because the rest of their life will be worth it. Dr Ryan's response is that this is a false message of hope to be sending to teens, and that instead we should be honest with them about the hardships their lives may entail. From her perspective, her life has not improved since high school, as she faces transphobia, fatphobia and classism daily.
To be honest, I think much of her contempt with the project comes from contempt of Dan Savage. His advice column certainly has offensive portions to it, including one gem in which he wrote that it would be acceptable for one partner to leave the other if he or she gained weight. His husband must be counting the calories, lest he be kicked to the curb over his slowing metabolism. However, I disagree with her assessment of this particular project, the "It Gets Better" campaign. How could it possibly be wrong to discourage teen suicide? That is the heart of the project. It was started as a response to the recent rash of suicides by gay teens, who as a group are much more likely to commit suicide than straight teens are. The instructions for making a video, are for LGBT adults to share with teenagers their story of how their lives improved after high school. No, not everyone's life will actually improve. But I would argue that a majority of people's will. Even if only one person who watched the videos and decided against ending his or her life were happy to be alive in 5, 10 or 20 years, I think it would be worth it. High school is an awful experience for most teenagers, regardless of sexual orientation, and a personal hell for many teens who do not fit the straight, white, cisgender affluent mold. However, who of us doesn't have a friend in the LGBT community who was not tormented in high school? I do. What if she had decided to kill herself, and never had the chance to meet the woman she loves, mend her relationship with her mother, and generally find happiness? How would it have been a good idea to have told her at 15, in her lowest low, that it might be like this forever. She may never fit in, people might always reject her, her life may be a miserable experience. What exactly does that accomplish: being well informed? I personally do not know anyone whose life turned out the way they thought it would in high school, so I'm not sure why anyone would think that a teenager is well informed about the future to know whether or not their life is worth living. Furthermore, the people who have made videos, including people who are trans, have acknowledged that their lives are still not easy. Its not perfect, but life is not perfect. Especially if you are different. I do not think the project is trying to tell kids that life will be sunshine and acceptance and love from everyone you see walking down the street as soon as you get that high school diploma. None of us have a crystal ball, or are able to tell any LGBT teen what their life will look like. But I do believe that its worth finding out for yourself.
I thought it was a great point to make that Joelle's negative writing from the post stems from her dislike of Dan Savage. This is something I did not mention but wish I had. Another excellent argument from your post was that maybe not everyone's lives will improve dramatically from the "It Gets Better" Project but the possibly a few people's lives will. And even of the project only helps a handful of people have a more optimistic outlook, that is better than not trying at all.
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